so i was driving to work today, and i heard this ad on the radio :
grandma no. 1 : my grandson got 4 'a's for his psle!
grandma no. 2 : mine got 5 'a+'s!
grandma no. 1 : mine bought me a lovely gift for my birthday! he loves grandma so much.
grandma no. 2 : but did he nominate you for the senior citizens' award 2006? MINE did.
the ad was much longer, with both grandmas trying to outdo each other and stuff, but i cant remember most of it, and i think you'd just get bored of reading it anyway, oh wait what makes me think that you're not bored already? what makes me even think people are reading this in the first place?
my question is, dont you think that this is a worrying trend for our country? as a CONCERNED citizen, i am...concerned about the proliferation of grandmotherly competition that will ensue as a consequence of this ad. grandparents are humble creatures by nature, and should be allowed to roam free and untroubled, just like our young...oh wait. my point is, this ad has offended me and as a result you will either have to heavily censor it, revamp it such that the new product sounds nothing like the original, or give it a 'GP65' rating - 'ONLY GRANDPARENTS OVER THE AGE OF 65 ARE PERMITTED TO LISTEN TO THIS COMMERCIAL DUE TO EXPLICIT AND GRAPHIC SCENES OF IMPLIED VIOLENCE AND WARFARE. SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES.'
anyway, how do you quantify grandmotherly, or grandfatherly, love? is there such a thing as 'best senior citizen'? its a bit fudgy, don't you think? which...i'm sorry, WHO is better - a grandmother who manages to juggle work as an operator for a network marketing company [which requires her to speak in overly pretentious tones and constantly reiterate buzzwords and regurgitate rhetoric], and cycling to her 900kg grandson's primary school to pick him up, because hes been gorging on too much taiwan xxl chicken and as such is unable to move due to sheer inertia; all this while actually juggling at the same time? OR a grandfather who does triple somersaults for cirque du soleil in between going on shopping trips with his precious 5 year-old granddaughter at louis vitton and helping out at his son's pirated video game store; all this with only EIGHT FINGERS? how the hell do you decide? do they have a rubrick somewhere in the office of the award committee that reads, 'swimming with tiger sharks in neon pink speedos is decidedly more deserving of praise than bungee jumping off the eiffel tower in a giant sweet potato costume while reciting a french revolutionary poem'?
and what exactly do you mean by 'best' senior citizen anyway? are you telling us that whoever the winner is, all grandparents should follow his example? how do you think that makes those who are disabled, bedridden, or chronically ill, feel? are you championing some aryan race of sexta/septua/octa/yougetthepointgenarians as the pinnacle of evolution, the ne plus ultra of geriatric achievement? mr caleb yap, notice that i am deliberately using hackneyed phrases and superfluous words here to highlight my point? should recipients of such a prestigious award be praised over those who don't win? well, that's what you're IMPLYING.
and don't give me that 'oh, actually this is just to encourage senior citizens to be more active'. i remember a conversation i had last year with a friend i hadn't talked to in like, a year :
friend : hi! how are you? :)
me : hello, im alright, how about you?
friend : oh im okay la :)
(very quickly) friend : oh can you help me vote for my grandfather to win the senior citizen award? just go to this link (http://blahblah) and vote for him! thaaanks! gtg now bye!
do you have any idea how immensely irritating that is. okay but thats not the point. the point is, are we to treat this award like some talent competition? i mean, for ahem, 'singing' contests like singapore idol, people vote based on who looks best holding a slurpee...i mean, who has the best voice, best looks, most similarity to previous winner, etc. and its fine, because hey, its a competition. but is an award purportedly aimed at galvanizing senior citizens to play a more active role in society, a competition as well? i went to the voting page, and i saw a list of the nominees, each with their own page listing their laudable traits, their good deeds, and so on. so, what do you expect me to do? read all the descriptions and come to an objective decision? come on, do we really need to do this? its ridiculous. (in case youre wondering, i did cast a vote, but not for my friend's grandfather. oh no! ive changed the fate of the world!) admittedly, the same can be said of stuff like the nobel peace prize, or the booker prize, or something, but somehow it just feels different. the passion and love your grandparents show you should be kept private, or rather, do not need to be shared amongst others. want to let them know how much you love them? cook them a meal! write them notes! give them a hug from time to time! is there a need to reacquaint them with competition and dump them unceremoniously back into the cesspool of unwarranted deification and public ego-boosting; a cesspool that they have deservedly won the right to be excluded from? give them -and us- a break!
later in the day i will be driving my grandmother back home after making her lunch [and maybe dinner, depending on my mood and if we have peas at home]. yes people, please remember that when i come scrounging around for votes for the 'best grandchild award'. thanks gtg now bye!
taika told you a secret at
5:06 PM
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